A Continuation of Some Case-studies and Anecdotes from the Files of Mossad Maccabee’s programs and Interventions…

Natalie….

Natalie, a pale blonde eleven year-old recent attending sixth grade in a suburb of Jerusalem was having serious problems at home.  She was being severely abused sexually by a relative in the family.  The family, along with this cousin were, recent immigrants from the Former USSR.  They had all entered Israel by virtue of a single Jewish grandfather who had immigrated to Israel years before.

   Mossad Maccabee was contacted by the schools’ principal because the girl had been acting strangely.  She was usually overdressed for the Jerusalem heat, often came to school without snacks of lunch and usually sat hunched over by herself.  She responded shyly to friendly overtures from the other girls but never seemed to be able to attend school functions after school hours or continue any friendships in the afternoon hours.  Some of the girls told the teacher that Natalie had befriended a blonde pale kitten that looked just liked her.  Whenever anyone spotted Natalie sitting on the rocky fields along the houses, the little kitten was always with her.  The sad little girl and the orphaned kitten seemed to have found comfort in each other.

   After receiving the phone call from the principal  Mossad Maccabee organized a team of teen volunteers, also Russian immigrants,  who would creatively attempt to get closer to the odd jumpy girl,  and see if Natalie was truly in trouble and in need of help.  Slowly Natalie opened up to her new friends, who spent afternoons with her and took her to various activities. Whenever they could they tried to work in some private time with Natalie, to let her get to know them and sense that she could trust them. Finally, the day came when Natalie opened up. The girls hiked out into nature for a picnic, and then as evening fell built a bon-fire (in celebration of Lag B’Omer).  The girls stood in a circle around the flames, held hands and sang songs of ancient times.  Natalie’s “big sisters” noticed tears welling up in Natalie’s eyes.  They stayed like that, large pools which refused to overflow. One of the older girls Chava took her aside. “You’re so sad sometimes.” She said to Natalie. “I want to help you. What’s wrong?”  Natalie shook her head.  “You can’t help,” she muttered.  “I can’t if I don’t know what’s wrong, that’s for sure!”  “No, no, no” wailed Natalie,” It’s stupid, It’s hopeless.  You wouldn’t get it.  You couldn’t do anything. He’s much much bigger.”  “Natalie,” said Chava firmly, placing her hands on the younger girls shaking shoulders.  “You must not deal with this alone anymore. Talk to me.” 

“I talk to Pixie,” Said Natalie stubbornly, referring to her kitten.

“Natalie, he’s just a little kitten.  Now, start talking to me too.  Who is much bigger.?”

“My cousin Peter” said Natalie so softly that Chava barely heard her over the singing.  He’s coming to stay tonight. He’s always coming to stay.  Why can’t he just stay in his own house?”

“Why don’t you like it when he comes to stay.  Why are you afraid of him?  What does he do.?”

“Oh, “ said Natalie sharply, ”he likes me very much. He likes me the wrong way, not like family.” 

“It’s ok to tell me Natalie.  You are not the only one this happened to and I know where we can help.  You do not have to live like this.”

“I do try to tell him to stop, but he just laughs, he is so mush bigger and my mother loves him because he owns so big stupid business and brings us money, or like stuff, instead of money.  I don’t exactly.  My mother loves him and he knows it.  He can do whatever he wants.”

“OK,” Chava took a deep breath. “We are much closer to my house then yours. It is late.  We’ll go to my house and I’ll ask my Mom – she’s cool – if you can stay over and if she will call your Ema and tell her you are too tired.  I’m sure it will be fine.  You are not going home tonight Natalie, not when he is there.  We are going to have to tell two people Natalie, my mother so she can convince your mother not to make you come home tonight, and tomorrow I know a great social worker in Mossad Maccabee.  It will be alright.  A year a girl a knew a girl and this happened to her, but it was her father, her father Natalie, and he helped her.”

   That night, the exhausted girls fell fast asleep under Chava’s thick quilts.  The next day things happened very fast.  Staff from Mossad Maccabee  talked extensively with Natalie’s family.  They refused to encourage Natalie to testify or go to the police, and as long as her mother didn’t want her to Natalie would not; it was difficult as it was to talk about.  Natalie’s mother hugged her child and promised that of course cousin Peter would not come to stay the night and if he did she could stay with a friend.

    The Maccabee staff was glad that Natalie’s family was at least a little supportive, but they knew that Natalie was still in danger as long as Peter was still allowedto come to the house.  Natalie’s fear of him had increased exponentially now that he knew she had “told.”  Two of Mossad Maccabees staff payed Peter a visit and very convincingly drove him out of down with the understanding that he would take up residence in a city far from Jerusalem and would never visit Natalie’s family again.  

     There were still some loose ends.  Natalie’s parents refused to allow her former counseling nor of course to formally testify.  She was glad that her daughter got support from Mossad Maccabee’s Big-Sisters who stuck close to Natalie through her teen years reminding her that when she was older and more confident and less dependent on her family, she could if she wanted testify against Peter to finally prove him formally guilty and to assure that she and all other little girls would be safe at least, from him.

Feeding the body as well as the soul

It is always amazing how rampant poverty is, how even the “working poor” can’t always put enough food in their children’s mouths.  Over the years, we at Mossad Maccabee noticed that many of the kids in our Big-broth Big-sister program were not receiving lunches or enough of a lunch from home to eat at school

  We therefore intervened and have set up a project to prepare and deliver lunches to various schools each morning! In the course of doing this many teachers added additional children to the program.  So many mouths to feed!  Some of our funds go directly into the mouths of hungry children!

A Difficult Child

  Jonah was about to be expelled from his school.  What did he do?  What hadn’t he done!  His parents, admittedly lacking some parenting skills, were at there wits end.  They couldn’t just expel their child; they needed help!  At only ten years of age Jonah had racked up a long list of delinquent behaviors.  Most common was stealing; he stole from other students in school, there money, there pencils their sharpeners the new eraser with the rubbery smell….He took money from his parents pockets, and even more to their chagrin, from his six year old sister!  Most of all he stole from store; bubble gum and candy mostly, but a couple of times some expensive CDs. In addition to stealing, Jonahs anti-social behaviors included vandalism, cursing and bullying.  He was a kid with an answer for everything but never an apology.  When things went wrong he always found someone else to blame.  He looked his authority figures straight in the eye and lied to them.  His parents often resorted to yelling and screaming, often out of sheer frustration and this of course had no positive influence on Jonahs behavior.  He was receiving therapy at school but it seemed to have no effect

   It was at this point that Jonahs teacher called Mossad Maccabee and suggested they try an intervention with him, along with the therapy he was receiving or maybe even sometimes instead of it.  Mossad Maccabee’s intervention was three pronged.  They let him continue therapy where he could release stress and talk about ways to handle himself better, and about how he could get at least some of what he wanted, in a positive way.  In line with this, Mossad’s counselors suggested to the parents to set up a system of positive inforcement.  They soon were open to attending Mossad Maccabees parenting classes where they learned good parenting skills; avoid giving negative attention, set goals with Jonah where he can earn things that he wants by engaging in behaviors which contributed to the pleasant atmosphere in the family and conformed to family rules.  If Jonah did not do so he woudn’t earn stars which he collected toward “buying” roller blades.  Especially destructive behavior had unpleasant sanctions but the family learned to focus on Jonah making his own choices and receiving what he wanted by adhering to desirable behaviors.  His parents then felt less of a need to yell at him;  Jonah was paying his own price by staying just so much farther away from his positive reinforcement (whether it me the roller blades or whatever.  They learned also what a quiet insidious affect all the tension and yelling would have on Jonahs younger sister who was quickly learning that being ignored was the prize for being good.  The third prong of Mossad Maccabee’s intervention was quite practical.  Psychotherapy takes time to produce results.  Parenting skills take time to acquire and practice.  In the meantime, Mossad Maccabbees Big-brothers prevented Jonah from complicating his situation further by shadowing him.  He often had someone sitting next to him in class.  IF you’re being watched you can’t steal.  He was also always accompanied home.  No stops along the way mean no stealing.

     It was a long haul and Jonah, now in his early teens is much better about making his own choices, not acting impulsively, and now has some freed energy to explore his own special interests and talents.